Imperfectly Perfect

hot feet
cold feet
blown mind
stoned eyes
lazy lunch
quick dessert
unwanted train fights
ignored streets
set communiqué
slowest cuba
bonafide del mar
drunk fisherman
dozy bollywood songs
touchy toast
purple beads
stalking lightning
imbalanced me
hilarious funeral
swaying people
lost and found
stony smiled
thin iced meeting
unsettling warmth
sleepless night
early flight

to everything that’s Mumbai!

Mr. Naughty turns ONE

Lots of things happened in the last 1 year right from moving work place, work life and all else on that “balance” that we keep talking about. Our son, Eshaan, a fair cherub, who had a wink the moment he was brought out to this planet. I clearly remember this one was the centre of everyone’s attraction. The cackle and the cry was almost in unanimity. The shine and the wry was also there. All in all – the package was certainly joy for all & something that every person connected to me or my wife looked forward to. There was certainly a twinkle that I will never forget … a twinkle of naughtiness.

Eshaan’s normal “work” morning is as follows:

1. Wake up around 6.45am and look around his father snoring
2. Prance around on the bed to make sure atleast her mother, who is already awake ready to rush for work notices it
3. Like a father figure, I try numerous ways to get him back to sleep
4. Determined and persistent, Eshaan taps his father turns around and over his tummy
5. Finally her mom gives up and there she takes Eshaan out of the room so that I can snore

Till couple of days back Eshaan used to take the support of wall / furniture / people to move around. Am not sure if it qualifies as walking in the real sense. But my definition and that of most online parenting guides is that walking really means moving from one place to another on two legs without support by using your own balance. The definition of a toddler is also really a kid who can walk on his/her own without any external help. Much to our joy, Eshaan did this and Reshma quickly recorded to save his memories. Another thing Eshaan is fond of, rather than toys are kitchen utensils like spoons, woks, empty plastic colored bottles. This joy turned one and I must say son you’ve really had an amazing first year, and I hope that each following year is this good or even better. With you in our lives, I know your mama and I will have a better year each and every year that you are there to make us smile.

We are so head over heels in love with you, and couldn’t imagine our lives without you. Thank you for being who you are, for always making us happy, for showing us how to love the little things in life, and for making the lives of everyone around you better. You are a remarkable little man, and I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for you. A year that flew past and made us think of all the things that this divine toddler has taught us. Most of all its

• live each moment spontaneously,
• when things go awry… laugh and move on,
• keep an open mind, play,
• express your feelings,
• start everyday with enthusiasm,
• pursue your curiosity and lastly
• patience.

AMEN!!!

CHEERS TO FATHERHOOD!

Its true!!! I have had the wonderful, overwhelming, surreal feeling of finally coming face-to-face with that elusive being and the experience of fatherhood. I should say there is simply nothing better in the world, so could not resist writing up a post with a photo of my son about my new experience and to relate fatherhood.

It’s a phrase I have heard many times out of the mouth of proud and gleaming fathers: “Having a child is the most important event in my life”. Last Monday, 25th October I had the experience for the first time, when around 12:37pm my son appeared on the world’s stage and I will try to put it all into words, to the best of my ability.

During the delivery procedure in the operating room I was too preoccupied outside with various issues and worried about the health of my baby and my wife that I honestly could not tell there and then whether it was one of the best or worst experiences, especially after seeing my wife all cut open the way she was. I had my cellphone camera but too nervous and shaky to be able to handle that equipment effectively to take my sons picture then.

One of my colleagues and another fellow father had told me that when his son was born he had experienced the longest and probably most tormenting minute of silence in his life. When the baby finally cried he said he was greatly relieved; a heavy weight had been relieved from his anguished heart. Fortunately in our case, I was exempted from such heavy trial and our son cried right away, his welcoming shout, his first enunciation and sign of life, a piercing heart-warming wail.

It took me a while to grasp the full complexity of the situation. It was my son I was facing and coming eye to eye with, a breathing being that had been hidden for over nine months in the warmth of my wife’s belly. Its somewhat similar to what Tolstoy described some of those doubts and feelings in “Anna Karenina”

It takes time to digest the experience. Here suddenly there is a creature and people present it to you, waving it in front of your face and telling you that this is your son. But how is that possible, where did it really come from? Flesh of my flesh, family, somebody who shares my genes and looks like me? This is really terrifying and I am not able to comprehend it just yet, probably never will, so we call it the mystery or miracle of life.

Now many fathers claim children are part of one’s personal success story. I doubt it simply because I cannot take much credit for it. Most of the pain and difficulty, the birth pangs are on the Reshma’s part. We men are spectators who try their best to give a hand. Yet there was something that shifted and changed within myself and made me look at everything with different eyes once the baby was born.

My idea of success has endured some alterations over the past few days. Money and fame have somewhat gone to the background. One’s focus rather changes and it comes down to seeking success in the light of the new events, being able to take care of one’s child, to become a responsible father. Everything that seemed important yesterday is getting blurry and new challenges and hopes reveal themselves on the distant horizon.

In a strange sense time has seemed to stop as well. I felt that I was moving toward certain goals, but now I am living immobile in the present moment. I enjoy watching my son, talking to him and seeing how he responds to my voice, how it often calms him and how he pricks his ears and moves his eyes at the familiar voice he used to hear from the muffled inside of the womb. The fact that one day he might tell me that he loves me would be a feeling of pride and inexplicable joy.

Anyways, life has become different, has changed me within the limited period of a few days prolonging into the wide unknown future. There is one thing a Ecstasy Drug and having a child have in common. Once you cross the threshold, there is no way back. Nothing remains the same and everything will change… it changed for me, my perspective, my life, even my fears and dreams.

And yes, I also appreciate my parents much more after this.

HERE’S TO FATHERHOOD!

Put the Fire Hose away!

All I can start by saying that we are truly fire-fighters. Or if aren’t one, we don’t lead anymore. I don’t decide where my team is going. The fire decides for me. (The fire: whatever current problem has flared up and captured my time and imagination).

The fire controls my life. I think am controlling the fire, but its the other way instead. I have become unconsious of the opportunity. Become blind to possibilities – because am immersed in it and defined by.

As an unmotivated worker, even when I put the fire out, I hop back on the truck and take off across the company looking for another fire. So all I know is “fires” and all I know is how to fight with them. The funny part is, even when there is no real fire… we’ll find something we redefine as fire because am a fire-fighter and always want to be working.

Do I have to fight fire 24 / 7?  In the hindsight what occurred to me is… the only time a fire becomes relevant is when its in the way of that future goal. Also, as a leader it just takes the path around the fire to get to the desired future.

A firefighter on the other hand, will stop everything and fight every fire. That’s the basic difference an unconscious manager (letting the fire dictate activity) and a conscious leader (letting desired goals dictate activity.)

Lastly a proverb which keeps haunting me…
No one can make you change
No one can stop you from changing
No one really knows how you must change
Not even you
Not until you start

DAVID VISCOTT

“unlocking soul’s code”

To find your voice means to engage in work that genuinely taps your talents and fuels your passion. It means to do something significant with your career – to sense an unmet need and then to fully harness all your talents and passion to meet that need. To find your voice means to take the path to greatness rather than settling for mediocrity.

One of the most frustrating things for the majority of people  amd me too, is the fact they rarely I the opportunity to realise a life of greatness and contribution. Instead, people spend the majority of their careers operating at a much lower level. They are aware of the tremendous challenges and problems which exist, but most people have not developed the internal power nor the moral authority to become a force in solving those problems. To address this challenge, you need to find your own voice.

When this happens, a fire will light inside you which will fuel tremendous drive and commitment. To be able to actually find your voice, however, you first need to understand a simple way of thinking about life. Just to add an example, areas in my life where I was successful, there was some spark for me… no strategies nor game plans.

The challenge of life is to discover your own quite unique voice, which will lie in the potential that was bequeathed to you at birth. When you discover that, no longer will you feel like a victim of your circumstances. Instead, you’ll be in a position of power to move forward with confidence into the future.

“All children are born geniuses; 9,999 out of every 10,000 are swiftly, inadvertently degeniusized by grownups.”
– Buckminster Fuller

Compulsive Apologies

Many people suffer with the tendency to apologize all the time, chronically, for everything. On the one hand, apologizing is a social convention that keeps interactions between people polite, and in that way it can be very helpful. On the other hand, if we find ourselves apologizing for everything, it might be time to look at why we feel compelled to say “I’m sorry” so often. Ultimately, saying you’re sorry is saying that you are responsible for something that has gone wrong in the situation. Whether it’s negotiating a parking spot, moving through the aisles of the supermarket, or reaching for what you want, there are times when sorry is the right thing to say. But there are other times when “excuse me” is more accurate.

Sometimes saying you’re sorry is like saying that the other person in the equation has more of a right to be here than you do. Of course, it’s true that using the word sorry can simply be an innocuous way of defusing tension. However, if you find that you say sorry all the time, you might want to look a little deeper and see where in your psyche that might be coming from. If it’s a pattern, breaking it may simply take some awareness and practice.

The first step is observing yourself each time you say it, without being hard on yourself about it. Throughout your day simply notice when you apologize. At first, you might be surprised to see that you do it even more than you first realized. After a day or two of simply observing, try to tune in to what it is you are feeling right before you say it. You might be feeling threatened, embarrassed, intensely anxious, or a variety of other feelings. Over time, try to stop yourself before the words come out and just be with the feeling that’s there. You may recognize it as one from your childhood, one that’s been with you for a long time. The more you are able to see it, the freer you will be not to be sorry all the time.

Awakening the Buddha in us…

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.”

“The mind is everything. What you think you become”

Risk comes free

to laugh is to appear the fool,
to weep is to appear sentimental,
to reach out to another is to risk involvement,
to expose feeling is to risk exposing your true self,
to place your ideas, your dreams in front of a crowd is to risk their loss,
to love is to risk not being loved in return,
to live is to risk dying,
to hope is to risk despair,
to try is to risk failure,
but risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
the person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.
he may avoid suffering and sorrow,
but cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, and live.
chained by his certitudes, he is a slave.
he has forfeited his freedom,
only a person who risks is free.

— from page 147 of the book “Addiction by Prescription” by Joan Gadsby

Dictionary of Life

There are lots of words which were always there in my dictionary of life but not with these meanings. Its amazing, you think of a word and how instantly an image or impression takes shape into your mind. God almighty is really a great creater.

Same words can have different meanings for different people. It differs quite due to the life we live… our individual encounters throughout and now I feel Age too play an important role. As I get completely different images when I speak them. What about you.  Take a look..

I … Me … only “Me”
You … Your
Love … Friendship
Family … Relationships
People … Society
Being practical … Faith
Values … Conscience
Lust
Beauty … Manner
Originality
Mind Games
Marriage
Character
Adjustments
Honesty … Lies
Strength … Weakness
Commitment
Career … Money
Educated … Literate
Pride … Ego
Affection … Opportunist
Fake … Soul
Life … Death
Human … Animal

and many more…

And “Love” has been most beautiful word for me. It makes me what I am.

just all Alone!

A fallen leaf
flying in the winds

a closed book
pages gone blank

a single face
but many facets

a silent witness
to many worlds

in thy vast universe
I live my own

and walk a different path
just all Alone!